Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Notice

Do you bury yourself in a fantasy world, when your dream of reality becomes unfurled? Do you bury yourself in your work, when your hope for the future is nothing but fictional artwork? Is it stupid that I fight sleep so that nightmares won't get me in two places? Is it stupid that I'm so afraid of human interaction when I'm not surrounded by familiar faces? I found love once, I even found it twice. I'm consumed with the notion that it has to be someone else who saves my life. Just because it's not "widely publicised" doesn't mean I'm not in agony. The smile on my face doesn't mean the pain you've caused isn't slowly blinding me as I wake up everyday looking for life's lessons and I go to sleep everynight with more questions. I'm stubbornly bound to not so perfect convictions. It's my very nature that won't let me escape these afflictions. I'm sick of keeping my demons like dogs on a leash, whispering fear into my ears and spreading their disease. They keep dragging me along because I just can't let go because then I might end up, truly alone. Is this the future I continually circumvent? Because I still believe that anything can change in just one moment. But in that moment, I was ready to pack up and leave because there's nothing here for me anymore, nothing but time to grieve.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Soon

Everything you build can be erased in an instant because everyone's in a constant state of discontent. Dog eat dog, stepping over one to get onto the next and then when it happens to them they seemed perplexed?! People with no morals justifying their actions by saying they're just part of a huge chain reaction of people constantly putting themselves first. That lust for power that never ending thirst. That clever curse giving people an excuse to bring out their worst. For them, being wrong has always felt good, think we'd all try to get away with it if we really thought we could but I will speak the truth even if my voice shakes. I will right this wrong, no matter what it takes. This isn't a declaration of war because for now, I'll bide my time. We both know you can never ever take away what I've made mine.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Debt

Eighty five billion reasons to scream at the world and I'm still stuck on just one. The over-talked about, the cliched, the overdone. Just another hopeless man screaming into a microphone about something that no longer exists as a way to cleanse my soul. Too many thoughts circling around my head to even begin to write down. The what if, the maybes and the what could have been. Then ultimately resigning to the fact that I'm alone again. What am I supposed to do now? Well everyone's got their own opinions but I know I will claw my way out of this pit just as I've done before because I can no longer let other people's actions dictate my decisions. These are the times that I won't let myself forget, when I'm screaming my lungs out, covered in sweat. Because I fear the end but I don't fear hell, I was born into a World already under the Devil's spell. So everytime hope slips out of my hands, instead of just letting go, I'll grasp reality to save me from falling into the depths below.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Greed

All is fair in love and business because you have to be a liar and a thief to achieve success. Nice guys will always finish last in both respects, left only with a casket full of dead memories and time to reflect on past mistakes. As the old saying goes, if you give them an inch they’ll take a mile, previously I have refused to accept the situation with a smile. But all I’ve ever really learned is that to try and change the formula is a fool’s game because while a lot changes in five years, a lot stays the same. I’ve been grieving for a long long time, stuck between denial and anger for most of my prime because I refuse to compromise my beliefs, condemning myself to never finding relief. But being blatantly held down and kicked straight in the teeth for refusing to stay on my knees and trying to live life on my feet must just make it that much clearer, to see exactly the type of person you are in the mirror.