Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Do you bury yourself in a fantasy world, when your dream of reality becomes unfurled? Do you bury yourself in your work, when your hope for the future is nothing but fictional artwork? Is it stupid that I fight sleep so that nightmares won't get me in two places? Is it stupid that I'm so afraid of human interaction when I'm not surrounded by familiar faces? I found love once, I even found it twice. I'm consumed with the notion that it has to be someone else who saves my life. Just because it's not "widely publicised" doesn't mean I'm not in agony. The smile on my face doesn't mean the pain you've caused isn't slowly blinding me as I wake up everyday looking for life's lessons and I go to sleep everynight with more questions. I'm stubbornly bound to not so perfect convictions. It's my very nature that won't let me escape these afflictions. I'm sick of keeping my demons like dogs on a leash, whispering fear into my ears and spreading their disease. They keep dragging me along because I just can't let go because then I might end up, truly alone. Is this the future I continually circumvent? Because I still believe that anything can change in just one moment. But in that moment, I was ready to pack up and leave because there's nothing here for me anymore, nothing but time to grieve.