Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Do you bury yourself in a fantasy world, when your dream of reality becomes unfurled? Do you bury yourself in your work, when your hope for the future is nothing but fictional artwork? Is it stupid that I fight sleep so that nightmares won't get me in two places? Is it stupid that I'm so afraid of human interaction when I'm not surrounded by familiar faces? I found love once, I even found it twice. I'm consumed with the notion that it has to be someone else who saves my life. Just because it's not "widely publicised" doesn't mean I'm not in agony. The smile on my face doesn't mean the pain you've caused isn't slowly blinding me as I wake up everyday looking for life's lessons and I go to sleep everynight with more questions. I'm stubbornly bound to not so perfect convictions. It's my very nature that won't let me escape these afflictions. I'm sick of keeping my demons like dogs on a leash, whispering fear into my ears and spreading their disease. They keep dragging me along because I just can't let go because then I might end up, truly alone. Is this the future I continually circumvent? Because I still believe that anything can change in just one moment. But in that moment, I was ready to pack up and leave because there's nothing here for me anymore, nothing but time to grieve.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Everything you build can be erased in an instant because everyone's in a constant state of discontent. Dog eat dog, stepping over one to get onto the next and then when it happens to them they seemed perplexed?! People with no morals justifying their actions by saying they're just part of a huge chain reaction of people constantly putting themselves first. That lust for power that never ending thirst. That clever curse giving people an excuse to bring out their worst. For them, being wrong has always felt good, think we'd all try to get away with it if we really thought we could but I will speak the truth even if my voice shakes. I will right this wrong, no matter what it takes. This isn't a declaration of war because for now, I'll bide my time. We both know you can never ever take away what I've made mine.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Eighty five billion reasons to scream at the world and I'm still stuck on just one. The over-talked about, the cliched, the overdone. Just another hopeless man screaming into a microphone about something that no longer exists as a way to cleanse my soul. Too many thoughts circling around my head to even begin to write down. The what if, the maybes and the what could have been. Then ultimately resigning to the fact that I'm alone again. What am I supposed to do now? Well everyone's got their own opinions but I know I will claw my way out of this pit just as I've done before because I can no longer let other people's actions dictate my decisions. These are the times that I won't let myself forget, when I'm screaming my lungs out, covered in sweat. Because I fear the end but I don't fear hell, I was born into a World already under the Devil's spell. So everytime hope slips out of my hands, instead of just letting go, I'll grasp reality to save me from falling into the depths below.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
All is fair in love and business because you have to be a liar and a thief to achieve success. Nice guys will always finish last in both respects, left only with a casket full of dead memories and time to reflect on past mistakes. As the old saying goes, if you give them an inch they’ll take a mile, previously I have refused to accept the situation with a smile. But all I’ve ever really learned is that to try and change the formula is a fool’s game because while a lot changes in five years, a lot stays the same. I’ve been grieving for a long long time, stuck between denial and anger for most of my prime because I refuse to compromise my beliefs, condemning myself to never finding relief. But being blatantly held down and kicked straight in the teeth for refusing to stay on my knees and trying to live life on my feet must just make it that much clearer, to see exactly the type of person you are in the mirror.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Old habits, they just won't die. Stuck in my rut as the world passes me by. Even when I think I've changed it's the way it always goes. It's hard when messing up is all that you know. I wish I could bring myself to show them just how much that I really care. I wish I could bring myself to let them know how much I'd miss them if they weren't there. Nine times out of ten I can't express myself in the mediums that I should be able to and nine times out of ten I can't find a way to convey my emotions to you .There's ten thousand tons of pressure crushing my soul, from the secrets I have that can never be told. Ten thousand tons of pressure resting on my conscience, from the lies I have told at my own expense. Ten thousand tons of pressure preventing me, from being the person who I really want to be. Ten thousand tons of pressure weighing on my mind, I'm lying when you ask me how I am and I just say "fine". Why is it that anger is the only emotion that strikes easily from my tongue?. So quick to judge on what they haven't instead of what they've done .It's never been my intention to be so detached and so reserved. It's not the way I wanted to be and it's not the treatment that you deserve. But I feel like we're from different worlds, it's different now, it's different to what you've already endured because what used to be so simple back then has become so obscured. Someday, someone like me won't be considered a failure.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
You being taken away made me question my faith. For such a long time I prayed you were in a better place. I turned my back momentarily on what I knew deep down was the truth because it was important to you. I could only bare to lie to myself for so long before I had to face the facts. God doesn't exist just because you're not coming back. God doesn't exist just because I still wish I could speak to you. God doesn't exist just because your family wants him to. There's no angel above watching over me because there's no such thing as ghosts. Angels are buried just like everyone else and that's what scares me most.
Ganging up on a defenseless teen? A big man behind your mask so that you can't be seen. A disgrace to your kind, an abomination who strikes down innocents without provocation. To protect and serve the people, they've all taken this oath, but they turn their backs on us when we need them the most. Trying to extinguish free speech in this nation by bringing violence to a peaceful protest. Highlighting that democracy is truly dead if it ever did even exist. I've seen fear and uncertainty in these officers eyes, standing still, letting out silent cries. No sympathy, I say shame on you. You should be standing with us, this is your country too. My anger will never be silenced. Sew my mouth shut, plug my ears, even black out my eyes. The World will still know of your sins because this truth will soak through my skin. When the hypocrites and scumbags in uniform are worse than the people they apprehend, it's time to hang your head because this really is the beginning of the end. You pigs make me sick.